I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
