Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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