he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
