would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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