how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
