He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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