Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
