I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
