Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
