Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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