Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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