Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
