She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
