apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
