mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
