I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
