You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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