All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
