I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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