just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
