where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
