you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
