Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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