Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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