he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
