Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
