Only a mothe r could love this liver
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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