Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
