dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
