YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
