Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
