Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
