I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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