just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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