You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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