Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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