My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
