im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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