just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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