the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
