I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
