i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize