Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
