there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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