Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
