Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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