So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize