There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Still dying that you shit outside
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
