I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
