Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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