don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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