dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
