I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
