Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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