question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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