i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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