I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
