just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
