I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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