I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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