a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
