Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
