btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
